5 Proven Strategies to Help Your Child Cope With Divorce
Divorce can be hard on kids, but with the right guidance, they can heal and move forward. In this post, I’m sharing 5 proven strategies to help your child cope with the changes and find peace during this challenging time. These practical tips will empower you to support your child with love, patience, and hope.
Divorce is never easy, especially for children. They are often the innocent bystanders caught in the emotional fallout. If you're navigating a divorce and worried about how to help your child cope, this post will share my top five strategies to support your child through the changes. Life won't be the same for your child after divorce, but with your help, they can adapt and even thrive.
Reflecting on My Own Journey
This year marks 31 years since my divorce. My son was too young to remember the separation or much about his biological dad. His father was a shortsighted man who didn’t fully grasp the impact his absence would have on our son. At the time, I didn’t have any tools to help my child cope. All I had was my pain and anger, and I’ll be the first to admit that neither helped my son.
Even now, my son struggles with the pain of feeling unwanted by his biological father. Fortunately, his stepdad wanted him. When my son was five years old, my husband adopted him. From the very beginning, my husband loved my son just as deeply as he loved his own two sons.
My husband showed our son what real, unconditional fatherly love looks like—the kind of love his biological father couldn’t or wouldn’t give him. Divorce doesn’t mix well with kids, but the reality is that more children than ever before are experiencing the effects of divorce during their childhood.
Top 5 Strategies to Help Your Child Cope with Divorce
1. Never Speak Poorly About The Other Parent
The most important thing you can do for your child is never badmouthing their other parent. Regardless of your feelings, your child still loves that parent—and they should. Even if the divorce is entirely your exes fault, resist the temptation of making rude or belittling comments. Every negative remark chips away at your child’s heart. They’ve already dealt with enough pain; don’t add to it.
2. Encourage Journaling or Drawing
A great way to help your child process their feelings is by encouraging them to journal or draw. The act of putting pen to paper is powerful for healing. It helps kids connect with their emotions in a way that verbal communication sometimes can’t. As Erin Wildermuth once said, “The benefits of pen and paper are difficult to ignore. Writing is undeniably linked to learning.”
3. Start New Traditions
Divorce isn’t something to celebrate, but establishing new family traditions can help both you and your child move forward. Fun new activities can create fresh, positive memories to replace the old ones. Some ideas might include a ‘dinner on the floor’ night or a ‘fancy dinner’ where everyone dresses up and uses the good dishes that normally sit in the cabinet collecting dust. Pinterest is full of creative ideas for new traditions!
4. Give Extra Grace and Patience
Kids and divorce come with trial and error. Knowing this ahead of time will help you better manage their behavior issues. Be prepared to offer an extra dose of grace and patience. Your child will test boundaries, and you’ll need to give them some leeway as they adjust. But that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be rules...
5. Establish New Rules and Boundaries
While patience is necessary, so are rules. After a divorce, the dynamic changes, and children’s behavior may shift. Once your ex isn’t around full-time, expect to see some acting out. However, with consistency, children will adapt to new rules and boundaries. In fact, clear boundaries help children feel secure during times of change.
Takeaway
Divorce is hard on everyone, but it’s especially tough on kids. If you take away one thing from this post, I hope it’s this: children need time, patience, and your love to get through your divorce. But most importantly, their love for both parents remains, even if circumstances have changed.
If you're looking for more tools or advice for your unique situation, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re in this together.