Coping with Curveballs: How to Heal After a Hard Year

2019 wasn’t an easy year!

In 2019, my family and I were thrown many curveballs.

My Dad passed away the day before Thanksgiving.
We had a family trip planned to Maui, and my mom insisted we still go...
This trip to Hawaii was full of great moments with three of our boys and their wives.
But internally, I was fighting a battle...

Not only did I need a break from our area I felt extreme guilt for leaving my mom in hers.
Healing from the loss of a parent isn’t easy, and for me, it was especially hard because I was the one caring for my dad in his final days.
I watched him suffer…
Every time I went into his room, I wondered if I would be the one to find him after he passed.

At the same time my dad and I were not on the best terms. I thought caring for him would help our relationship, but it made it much more negative.
During this time my mom was diagnosed with cancer and flew many miles away to have the removal surgery because there were no doctors in our area that could do what she needed. She was going to be gone for 2 weeks.
She called almost daily to check in and see how my dad was doing.
Truth was he was declining fast.

After my mom had been gone 10 days, I had to tell her that I thought she should come home early.
4 days after she came home, she wound up in the ER and needed another surgery.
Again, I felt extreme guilt & thought that her ER visit, hospital stay, and emergency surgery was my fault. I thought I shouldn't have told her he was doing so poorly. Maybe she wouldn't have gone through all of that if I hadn't said anything.

Next thing I knew the doctor dropped a bomb shell on me. Although my mom's surgery went well the doctor felt keeping her in a medically induced coma for an extended period of time was the only way to ensure that if he needed to go back in... she would be more stable.

Thankfully, my mom came through all of that well. But she was in the ICU for 5 days.
Honestly, the days drug on. My dad was declining rapidly.
I tried to stay positive, but I also had to be honest with my mom about my dad’s condition while she lay in ICU recovering from her emergency surgery.
Things were unbelievably hard...

The Emotional Weight of Grief

It was hard to focus.
Hard to trust.
Hard to believe.

Just hard.

I know this is a blended family blog and you might be asking yourself, 'what does this have to do with my divorce or blended family?' Actually - a lot.

If you’re going through something difficult right now, I understand. I have been there and this post is about what I have learned in the face of challenges, grief and uncertainty

My details may be different, but I’ve faced many curveballs in life too. Some I brought on myself, while others were thrown at me.
But here’s what I’ve learned: all of these challenges have shaped me into the person I needed to be.

4 Steps to Healing from Life’s Curveballs

Whatever curveballs you’ve been thrown, healing is possible. Here are three simple steps that have helped me to heal, and I believe they can help you too:

1. Allow Yourself Space

Give yourself space to feel and think. Grieving is a process, and it takes time. Don’t rush through it or try to ignore the emotions that come up. Space is essential for healing. Remember each person grieves differently so don't get impatient with yourself. Give yourself the time you need.

2. Be Honest About Your Needs

Even if you don’t know exactly what you need, lean on those who know you and genuinely want to help. Share your feelings with them. Sometimes just talking about what you’re going through can help set your mind free and can help you to find the solutions you need.

3. Practice Gratitude

Be thankful and focus on the small things. It may feel like a challenge to find gratitude in hard times, but the little things—like a moment of peace, a good conversation, or a simple joy—can lift your spirits. Being intentional about gratitude helps you heal. I highly suggest writing them down. That has been one of the main things that has helped me pick myself up and move on no matter what has happened.

4. Lean on God

Friends I don't know where I would be today without God. I have been through so many things. Most people would crumble. But really my strength is not from me. It is 99% from God. That tiny 1% is my choices. Now let me be clear here, I don't always make the right choices, however I always come back to Him and lean on Him. He is the only way I have found comfort or joy. When I get my eyes off Him though... things go negative really quick. So, if you do not personally know Him, please reach out. Mike or I can help you to get to know Him.

If you have been hurt at church, please understand God is not the reason for your pain. People make wrong decisions sometimes. Church is more of a hospital. People go there to help themselves be better but sometimes there is a time delay. I encourage you to try church again. Try to go and connect with God.

Final Thoughts

If you’re in need of support or encouragement, I invite you to follow our YouTube channel for more insights and encouragement. If there is something Mike or I can help you with directly please reach out and we will meet with you. Go to [email protected]

💜 I hope this post helped you!
Hugs,

Brenda