How to Make Your Children Best Friends—Even in a Blended Family
You can make your children best friends, even in a blended family. Although there’s an art to it, the biggest obstacle is often us, the parents. You’ll need to stay on your A-game and have a clear vision of what you want your kids’ relationships to look like when they’re adults. This post is packed with practical tips you can start using today.
Even if your kids bicker constantly, tattle on each other, or you feel overwhelmed by the arguments—there’s hope.
Step 1: See All the Kids as Yours
The first and most important thing you need to do is see all the children as yours. If you’re in a blended family, it’s possible that you’re unintentionally favoring one child over the others.
This can happen more easily than you might think. Often, the sickly child or the one who’s easier to connect with ends up getting more attention.
When our boys were growing up, I favored one over the others without realizing it. This child was the most like my husband, so I related to him more. He became very skilled at working me to get what he wanted.
I didn’t mean to favor him, and as a result I missed some heart issues that were going on with him. I’ll never forget the day I realized it—I knew I had to make a change, but the damage was already done.
I’m sharing this so you don’t make the same mistake I did.
Step 2: Don’t Allow Negative Behavior
If you want your children to become best friends, there are certain behaviors that simply can’t be allowed:
- Nitpicking
- Belittling
- Ganging up on a sibling
- Name-calling
- Being a bad sport when they lose a game
- Constant bickering
- Excessive Tattling
What you allow is what your children will do. It’s crucial to understand that kids internalize what their siblings say and do, and this can shape how they see themselves for the rest of their lives. No loving parent wants that, but we often get so busy that we don’t realize what’s happening. In my case I am an only child, so I did not understand the sibling issues and often did not handle them correctly.
Step 3: Promote Positive Behavior
To make your children best friends, you need to encourage positive behavior and teamwork. Here’s how you can do that:
- Spend quality time together as a family.
- Teach your children to be genuinely happy for each other when something good happens to a sibling. If they’re not, correction is needed.
- Create an “all-for-one” spirit in your home and remind your kids that this applies outside the home as well.
- Teach your children to honor the family name. Encourage them when you see them doing good things that build the family name.
- Serve others as a family.
- Let the kids help plan family outings.
- Read character-building books together before bedtime.
- Praise them when they are kind, loving, or thoughtful toward a sibling without being told.
- Notice when bad behavior toward a sibling arises. Bad behavior could be a mistake, but it could also be a reflection of a heart issue. You need to be looking for those windows into your kid's and stepkid's hearts
Step 4: Be Mindful of Outside Influences
It’s not entirely your fault if your children are constantly bickering. Television programs often depict selfish, entitled behavior, with family members being portrayed negatively. Schools and social environments can also promote self-centered behavior, especially if your children are in public schools that teach values different from your own.
Take time to list out where your kids are spending their time—school, sports, friends’ houses, clubs, etc. Remember that everyone your children spend time with will impact their outlook on life and family.
Final Thoughts
If you take away one thing from this post, I hope it’s this: to make your children best friends, you need to expect it and manage them in a way that makes them excited to work toward that goal. It’s not out of reach for a blended family if you put these strategies into practice.
I believe in you!
💜 Hugs,
Brenda