4 Marriage Problems That Lead to Divorce—And How to Fix Them
Marriage can be tough, and some issues can quietly lead to divorce if left unchecked. In this post, we discuss four common problems that many couples face—emotional affairs, lack of respect, confiding in others, and seeing flaws over positives—and how you can fix them before they become irreversible. With nearly 30 years of marriage experience, we’re sharing real, actionable tips to help you strengthen your relationship and build lasting unity.
Over the years, my husband and I have counseled many couples struggling in their marriages. Based on those experiences, I’ve identified four key marriage problems that frequently lead to divorce. Surprisingly, we haven’t seen communication or money issues as much as you might expect. Instead, emotional affairs, confiding in others, lack of respect, and focusing on flaws have surfaced repeatedly.
In this post, I’ll cover these four problems and offer advice on how to fix them before it’s too late.
1. Emotional Affairs
In the last decade, we’ve seen an alarming rise in emotional affairs. You may be surprised to hear that couples we’ve worked with often find it harder to overcome an emotional affair than a physical one.
Emotional affairs usually start innocently. For men, it often begins with a flirty coworker who listens to his ideas and makes him feel appreciated—something he may no longer feel at home if his wife has become critical. This lack of respect at home can lead to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
For women, emotional affairs typically start when they receive attention from another man, especially if their husband has become emotionally distant. Women need to feel loved and valued, and if they’re not getting that at home, they may unintentionally seek it elsewhere.
How to Fix It: The first step in dealing with an emotional affair is self-reflection. Look at your own behavior and ask yourself where you may have contributed to the distance in your relationship. Take responsibility for the pain you’ve caused, and start making changes—one step at a time. Be transparent with your spouse about where you are going and what you are doing.
2. Confiding in Others Instead of Your Spouse
Another major issue we’ve seen is spouses confiding in others—whether it’s a friend, a parent, or a coworker—instead of their partner. You might not think it’s a big deal to make decisions without your spouse, but it’s a warning sign that your marriage is lacking unity.
Not only does this create hard feelings, but it also leads to a breakdown in trust. When you confide in someone else rather than your spouse, you’re leaving them out of the relationship. Betrayal doesn’t always come in the form of an affair—confiding in others can be just as damaging.
How to Fix It: Make a conscious effort to talk to your spouse first. Train your mind to think of them before you turn to your best friend, your mom, or anyone else. Build a habit of consulting your spouse about decisions, big or small, to foster unity.
3. Lack of Respect Toward Your Husband
One of the most common marriage problems I’ve seen is a wife’s lack of respect toward her husband. It’s been said that a man needs respect as much as he needs air to breathe. I believe this because it’s how God created men.
In every successful and happy marriage I know, the wife deeply respects her husband, and the husband loves his wife with all his heart. While both men and women need love and respect, men are primarily driven by respect.
Common Ways Women Disrespect Their Husbands:
- Not allowing him to help
- Talking down to him, especially in public
- Speaking poorly about him to others
- Critiquing him in front of the family
- Harshly disagreeing in public
- Disconnecting emotionally or physically
How to Fix It: If you’ve been disrespecting your husband, start by being intentional with your words. Make sure your words reflect your true feelings. If you love him, don’t treat him like one of the kids. If you slip up, own your mistake and work hard to change the habit quickly.
4. Focusing on Your Spouse’s Flaws
Lastly, one of the biggest marriage problems I’ve seen is focusing too much on your spouse’s flaws. Many people, especially those with perfectionist tendencies, struggle to see the good in their partner when they’re too focused on what’s wrong.
But here’s the good news—you can train yourself to focus on the positives, and it will benefit your marriage in the long run.
How to Fix It: Start by making a mental note of your spouse’s positive qualities every day. Better yet, write them down. Set a daily alarm to remind yourself to appreciate these qualities. Over time, this practice will help you shift your focus from flaws to the things you love about your spouse.
Final Thoughts
Most marriage problems are fixable, even before you’re sitting in a courtroom deciding who gets what. Hollywood has taught us that love should be easy and everlasting, but that’s not reality. Marriage takes work, patience, and a willingness to grow.
Bad marriages don’t just hurt the couple—they hurt the family, the community, and the country. We can all do better. If you’re navigating a tough time in your marriage, know that you’re not alone. Marriage is a journey of personal growth, and it’s never too late to get the help you need.
Let’s Work Together If you need guidance on how to thrive in your marriage, I’m here to help. Contact me today at [email protected].