Staying Together Through the Challenges: Building Resilience in Your Blended Family Marriage

Marriage in a blended family comes with unique challenges, especially during life’s tougher seasons. In this blog, we dive into what it takes to build a resilient marriage that withstands setbacks and deepens connection. Through personal stories, practical advice, and proven strategies, I’ll share insights on choosing love daily—even when it’s hard. Whether you’re navigating military retirement, adjusting to life changes, or simply wanting a stronger bond, these tips will help you and your spouse find strength, unity, and joy in your marriage journey.

Marriage is Hard, But It’s Worth the Effort: Finding Strength and Love in the Tough Seasons

When my husband retired from the Montana National Guard, I was full of hope for what life would look like on the other side. After 24 summers of interrupted vacations, deployments, fire duty, and training, I thought, “Finally, it’s our time.” But instead of a smooth ride, retirement brought challenges I wasn’t prepared for, and the impact rippled into every part of our marriage.

Planning for what happens after military service is no easy feat. There’s no one-size-fits-all guide for how to cope with the changes and struggles that may come up. After retirement, my husband faced a season of deep depression, something we’d never dealt with before. I tried everything I knew to encourage him, but nothing seemed to lift him out of that darkness. And soon enough, I started to feel helpless and even resentful. I missed the man I’d known. I missed the life I’d envisioned. But I learned something valuable in that season—something I’d love to share with you.

The Reality of Marriage in a Blended Family

Marriage doesn’t stay easy, especially when you’re juggling a blended family and all the unique dynamics that come with it. When we start out, it’s fresh and exciting. We’re focused on love, promises, and dreams for the future. But life has a way of adding layers, and often, these layers bring us face-to-face with new challenges.
For me, those challenges came with the adjustments of retirement, no longer parenting, grown kids, married kids, grandkids and re-learning who we are as a couple in this new stage of life.

Hollywood has spun a myth that real love should be effortless, but anyone who’s been married long enough knows that keeping love strong is about the everyday choice to stay connected.
In the beginning, we’re careful with our words, and we go out of our way to make our spouse feel valued. But over time, and especially as responsibilities pile on, it’s easy to fall into routines, expecting our spouse to just “know” how we feel or to understand our struggles without really sharing them. Blending a family and holding onto a marriage doesn’t just happen—it requires intentional choices.

Let's face it, those of us who got married with kids have never had a time that was just us and our spouse. To a certain degree the kids are our focus. It takes time to know how to be a couple with uninterrupted time with one another. Mike & I dreamed about and planned for what we would do as empty nesters. But it was very different than we thought it would be. We had to learn to grow together in a new way.

Choosing Love in the Hard Times

Gary Ezzo once said, “Every day we choose to love, and every day we choose not to love.” When I heard this quote, it hit me: I had started choosing frustration over love. I was so caught up in my own feelings and disappointments that I hadn’t been supporting my husband the way he needed me to. He didn’t need my judgment; he needed my understanding and patience.
So, after a lot of reflection and prayer, I made a choice. I chose to love my husband where he was, not where I thought he should be. I apologized to him for the moments I hadn’t been there fully. And little by little, I saw our marriage change. It wasn’t an instant fix but learning to choose to love every day began to bring us closer.

Marriage Tips for Blended Families: 15 Practical Steps to Reconnect

Marriage in a blended family has its own set of hurdles, but by intentionally focusing on each other, you can strengthen your relationship through every season. Here are some tips that helped us—and I hope they help you too:

1. Speak kindly about your spouse to others, even if you’re frustrated.
2. Reflect on why you fell in love with them.
3. Practice quick forgiveness.
4. Focus on their positive qualities and celebrate them.
5. Let them know how they can “win” with you by clearly communicating your needs.
6. Make time for each other—plan intentional moments to reconnect.
7. Have a weekly date night, even if it’s at home.
8. Prioritize your marriage above all else; give your children a secure foundation.
9. Learn each other’s love languages and use them.
10. Make small, loving gestures often—physical connection builds trust.
11. Don’t assume what they’re thinking; ask and share openly.
12. Work on your own areas for growth.
13. Remember, your spouse is your partner, not your adversary.
14. Watch your tone; it speaks volumes.
15. Set boundaries that support each other and respect them.

Working Together for a Resilient Marriage

Marriage takes real work, especially when you’re blending lives, children, and histories. And when tough seasons come—whether it’s retirement, loss, career changes, or parenting challenges—you need a solid foundation. If there’s hurt or resentment, address it with love, patience, and honesty. Some issues may require setting healthy boundaries, while others need outside support or coaching. But no matter what, know that you’re not alone. The challenges we face have the power to bring us closer if we let them.

When you’re willing to lean in and do the work, marriage in a blended family becomes a beautiful example to your children of resilience, love, and unity. So, if your marriage is going through a hard time right now, I encourage you to take a moment to pause, reflect, and choose love. It might just be the decision that changes everything.

If you’re looking for more resources, tips, or personal support, visit our blog at BlendedFamilyMomentum.org and click on the "Marriage & Relationships" section. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. You can reach me directly at [email protected].