How to Overcome Neglect in Your Remarriage

Neglect in a remarriage can feel deeply painful, especially when it brings up old wounds from the past. But if you’re feeling overlooked or disconnected, know that you’re not alone—and it’s not the end of the road. In this post, I’m sharing insights from my own journey and practical steps to help you and your spouse reconnect, rebuild trust, and reignite the closeness you once had. My goal is to help you move from feeling neglected to feeling valued, because your remarriage is worth it!

Dealing with neglect in a remarriage can be incredibly painful. The residual pain from a previous divorce often compounds the hurt, making it even harder to navigate. The problem is many people don’t realize they need to heal after a divorce—unless they experienced abuse—before entering a new marriage.
A second marriage already comes with enough challenges, and when neglect is added to the mix, it feels like insult to injury. Neglect in a remarriage is more than just overlooking each other's needs. It’s when one spouse becomes completely absorbed in themselves and refuses to give love in tangible ways, like holding hands or providing emotional intimacy—both of which are essential for any relationship to grow and thrive.

Neglect and Emotional Intimacy

I’m Brenda Baker, and the reason I’m writing this post is to shed light on an issue I faced in my first marriage, which ended in divorce. For years, I felt worthless because my ex constantly told me that he was the only person who could deal with me. He convinced me that I was unlovable, and I started to believe him.
I began questioning myself constantly, wondering what was wrong with me. My ex used gaslighting as a tactic to make me feel less than I already did.
Since I had left my parents without telling them, I thought I couldn’t go back to them for help. My ex isolated me from my friends and convinced me I was better off without them. Neglect and gaslighting are often used by narcissists to control their victims, and sadly, I’ve seen these same behaviors in many of the couples my current husband and I have coached over the years.

The First Step: Setting Boundaries

If you’re dealing with neglect in your remarriage, the first thing you need to do is set healthy boundaries with your spouse. The sooner you do this, the better.
A lack of boundaries leads to a disconnect. It can give your spouse the impression that neglecting you isn’t a big deal, but it quickly becomes a huge problem especially for women. Before you know it, the marriage is over because one spouse dealt with the rejection silently, while the other did whatever they wanted.
Neglect is more than a failure to respond to emotional needs—it’s a lack of human connection. And without that connection, rejection sets in. Second marriages are hard enough without added complications like neglect.

Is It Neglect?

You shouldn’t have to ask yourself, Is it neglect? If you feel your spouse is emotionally unavailable, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and fight for your marriage.

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is assuming their spouse should automatically know how they want to be treated. But the truth is, your spouse may not know unless you clearly communicate your feelings and expectations. Women, in particular, tend to turn to a best friend when they feel neglected, and while that might seem harmless, it doesn’t help the marriage. Neglect in your remarriage doesn’t have to be the path you follow.

The Dangerous Cycle of Neglect

Neglect in a second marriage is one of the top reasons couples fall into emotional affairs. When a spouse doesn’t feel seen, valued, or loved, they may start seeking attention elsewhere.
The problem is, when couples have kids, they unknowingly teach their children that neglect and emotional distance are normal in a marriage. Instead of showing them a healthy relationship based on love, trust, and respect, the home becomes filled with unspoken expectations. Kids who grow up in this environment either avoid close relationships or develop a negative view of marriage.
This cycle affects not just the couple, but the entire family, the community, and eventually, the society as a whole.

How to Deal with Neglect in Your Remarriage

There’s only one way to address neglect in a second marriage—or any marriage—and that’s to deal with it directly. If you can’t handle it on your own, seek help from someone you trust. Ignoring it won’t make it go away.

Final Thoughts

If you take away anything from this post, I hope it’s this: if you’re dealing with neglect, it’s time to get help. It won’t resolve on its own, and neglect in a marriage will only deepen the pain if left unchecked.
If you’re ready to get your remarriage back on track but don’t know where to start, contact me today at [email protected]